I remember when she walked into my office. I had been pastoring for about five years. She was 13, had spoken to me about the pressures she was under at school to smoke, have sex, conform and do other things. Then she told me something I had never heard.
She had been cutting her arms with a razor.
I thought, “What?”
My next thought was, “Is this a cry for help? Is she close to suicide?” Immediately, I pushed those thoughts aside. She had a lot of trouble at home, but she didn’t have any of the signs of suicide that I had been trained to look or listen for. But self-abuse?
That’s been almost seven years ago. Since that time, I’ve become more aware and come into contact with many teens who engage in the act of self-mutilation known as “cutting.” Most of them are female, in their teens, and have many problems at home. They all seem to have trouble expressing their feelings in words, are under tremendous stress, are extremely misunderstood, but are in need of help and love.
I know there a lot of pastors out there who have been approached about this subject. There are kids in your youth group who engage in this type of activity. They may try to hide it or may engage in it with others. Either way, it is something that all adults need to be aware of. However, it is not something we need to approach with an immediate judgmental attitude. These kids cut for a reason. They need our love and understanding and our help.
I was a youth minister for about five months recently. I didn’t do the best job in the world. When I was a pastor, I had a responsibility to the youth as the overseer. I’ve always felt that the youth needed a large amount of special attention. They needed counseling, care and attention just like everyone else. They needed to connect in a way with a leader because they had specific needs. We forget what it was like being a youth. It was tough and when we negate their struggles, we negate our own time growing up
After reading some information and trying to get a grasp, here’s what I think I understand about it – cutting yourself is pain. It turns up the volume so loud that it drowns out the rest of the pain that you feel in your life. Friends, that deserves our attention.
So what about youths who cut themselves? There is a lot of information out there that you should read. I’ve made a 
handy list below of links.
The question that is most important is this – what would Jesus think of those who cut themselves?
Let me share this – of the kids I’ve known who cut themselves, there is a typical reaction to it. In churches, a lot of people say, “Well, they are just kids full of drama,” or “Their parents need to get them help.”
No. That kind of thinking is not helpful. Kids who cut themselves need the help of the community of faith. Like anyone else who is undergoing trouble, they need understanding and love.
Can you imagine what the response of our Savior would be? It would be the response He would have to any of us. Love, compassion, understanding. Holding us in His loving arms, making us better, patiently waiting and caring for us, being there while we healed.
And let me add this – what did Jesus think of Martin Luther, the great Reformer? While Luther was a monk, “he was accustomed to flogging himself and all manner of strict asceticism in an attempt to overcome his sinful impulses.” Self-punishment isn’t anything new. Luther did it. He did it to drown out the pain that was in his head and in his soul. There was a cure. The cure was the love and justification of Christ. Luther wrapped his arms around Jesus, embracing His grace, drowning in it and receiving it, starting a new day for Christianity.
That’s what our response should be. If you know someone who is engaged in self-mutilation, cutting or self-abusive behavior, don’t immediately react with anger or “why are you doing this?” Approach them with love, offering to get them help and above all, the compassion of our Savior.
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This is one of those topics where I don’t have a huge amount of knowledge, but I have a tremendous amount of compassion. Here are a few outside links to get you started:
Podcast from “Stuff Your Mom Never Told You“: Why Do Some People Hurt Themselves On Purpose?
Self-Cutting, from the Mayo Clinic
S.A.F.E. Alternatives, a site and organization dedicated to those who harm themselves – great site
The obligatory link to Wikipedia, “Self-harm”